Deal or No Sol Deal...
A bit like that stumpy, hairy Noel Edmonds one on that new show Bingo for Flids or whatever its called, Million Mandrake has decided not to cash in on Sol Campbell this summer. Apparently, we had the cheek to ask for £750,000 for our colossal ungay, England International defender, and he also demanded £70k per week for his troubles. Portsmouth baulked at the demands and the deal is now off according to reports...

Cesc-ky Football...
Cesc Fabregas put on a cape, and flew into action for Spain against the plucky Tunisians on Monday night in that there World Cup. The resolute Tunisians from Tunisia went 1-0 up, and lead, with said lead until Cesc's introduction in the second half, after the break and before the end. Then the Spanish and Arsenal wonderkid ran the show, setting up 11 goals, and scoring 4 to see the Spaniards into the last sixteen AND the quarter finals. There was thought to be a crowd of over 60,000 watching tonight chanting for Fabregas, but it turned out to be just all of the Real Madrid presidential candidates all saying they'd signed Cesc and were already in talks with Wenger.

Spanish locals who live there, are said to be throwing goats off of mountains as we speak - oh yeah, they won 3-1, chuck another bull on the barbie Senor... Meanwhile, big Phil Senderos's Switzerland put out Ade Akinadebayor's Togo in Monday's afternoon game. The Swiss are said to be throwing Toblerone's at cuckoo clocks as we speak, while sitting on a fence and playing with useful knives.

New Kit Revelaed...
As you've only probably read this eleven times today already, we'll make it a nice round Baker's twelve with this copied story. Arsenal have revealed the new kit today on AFCi, and it looks a bit like this... CLICK! It kinda looks ok, but I hope its not that dodgy market one we have been seeing snippets off over the last few weeks, as that one looks as rough as a Spurs players shorts on the 8th of May. I think the pic is meant to signify 'out with the old and in with the new', the players pictured walking away from HIghbury perhaps towards Ashburton Grove... anyone else noticed Theo's massive arm is on the wrong way round?

Carr-ikey...
According to those jokers at Eat, Sleep Football (how do you eat football?) have us down as making a move for mongy boy himself, Michael Carrick. They reckon Wenger is keen to 'nick him' from under Alex Ferguson's nose for about £15m. On the likely-o-meter, this one ranks somewhere between un and not very...