RVP Through...
High topped Robin Van Persie is, like Michael Owen's World Cup, through. The Hollandaise drew 0-0 with Argentina in a bad tempered game in Germany, and now Holland will play cheaty Ronaldo's Portugal in the knock out phases, the winner of that which, which will that play that there England in the semi-finals should we ease or indeed labour past the South American Samba stars from Ecuador. The group of death also put paid to Kolo Toure and Emmanuel Eboue's World Cup, as the Ivory Coast go home, straight back to the Ivory Coast, where they came from...

Wenger Rumours Persist...
Reports coming out of Spain would suggest Sir Wenger has signed a four year contract with Real Madrid. Rumours coming out of a second rate, tin pot website such as this say thats a load of old cock.

Presidential candidate Juan Mig Mir Villa Sanchez or whatever his name is reckons Wenger is coming to Spain, and he also reckons he's got Elvis Presley as half time entertainment, Princess Diana to give out the medals before the game, and a trip to the moon on his magic rocket made out of gold for any of his galacticos who score any decent goals next term. Oh, he just needs to get elected first and all his promises will come good...

Wenger Tips Spain/Argentina...
Le Boss has inadvertently written off Englands chances of bringing home the World Cup from Germany. He reckons Spain and Argentina are favourites to lift the trophy in July, and said: "They're the only teams who have performed to their best. Their coach Luis Aragones has the best young players available to him from David Villa to Fernando Torres, from Xavi to Cesc Fabregas. Brazil are not playing well but they're winning. It's not a problem for them, it's the others that have a problem when they play them..."

Fixtures Out Today...
Next season's fixtures are released today, i.e. Thursday, and from around 11am we'll have access to them and will let you know as soon as we do. Expect a tough rough in, home game to start and then Sky to rip them apart and shuffle them around like a pack of those porn cards, you only get on holiday... we've heard Villa/Boro at home or Man City away as our first game, but we'll see...

Remember readers to get today's Sun, where you'll find a highly original twist on the Theo Walcott diary - 'What I did on my holidays - by Theo Walcott, age 17 and a half...' I laughed so much I nearly cried.