Fixtures Out...
Not seen the fixtures yet, couldn't be arsed, but I know we have got Aston Villa at home first game, thats nice. Also heard that we have tasty away games after all of the Champions League fixtures - a) let's get there first, and b) can anyone get David Dein his job back? We'll get relegated now he can't quosh all our bans and fix all our fixtures up good... if you dislike Chelsea, you'd probably be  best not to read this to be honest...

Gallery Schmallery...
Tony Hart has stopped bumming Andi Peters and telling off Mr. Bennett just about long enough to tell us there is a new picture you might like right at the top of the Gallery...

Fergie Wants Senna...
Despite rumours that le Boss wants him, Alice Ferguson is said to be hankering after Marcos Senna from Villarreal, this season's Champions League semi-finalists... paper talk I'm sure...

Rasta McNasty...
From the Guardian's Fiver earlier this week: "Sales of Caribbean food, drink and ting soared in Scotland prior to England's match against Trinidad & Tobago. Rum and mangoes were up 15 and 47% respectively at Tesco stores north of the border thanks, no doubt, to hordes of embittered auburn-haired rasclarts..."

Pele Rates Theo...
Unlike Sven, Pele has heard of Theo Walcott, and if said Walcott does come off the bench at some point and score a goal, he'd become the youngest player ever to score in the World Cup, ever, smashing Pele's previous record by some days and a few months and that. Pele, while not being able to normally sustain an erection, did say: "I wouldn't be upset, as long as Brazil ended up as world champions..." Yeah yeah, whatever big guy. Sven has exclaimed that Theo is fit and ready to play, so who knows he could get his chance against Ecuador now Michael Owen is hurting...

More pics of Ashburton, courtest of Noah, who's just popped down to Jewsons for some timber...

Even Shorter Shorts :
The Sun reckon Paul Merson is being held under suspicion of rape... big-boned gingolian John Hartson has gone to the Arsenal strikers graveyard that is the Hawthorns and their current residents West Gummidge Albumen...  old boy Steven Sidwell might join Charlton, and has rebuffed a paltry £12,000 a week offer from Reading (sheesh, it takes us about 9 days to earn that sort of cash)... Niall Quinn is keen on taking over Sunderland, but not keen on the £16m they want him to pay for it...