No Health Scare says Wenger...
Sir Wenger was playing it typically cool following the win over the Fulham pretenders on Sunday. Wenger had been rumoured to be struggling under the stress of his contract talks, and numerous jobs and duties he's supposedly performaning, but the Frenchman is having none of it: "I read I'm cracking up under the pressure. I think it's linked that I have to make an ECG for my life insurance, and I came out of a hospital somewhere. If I'm sick, I'm ignoring it, so it's all good. I wasn't stressed today because the players were giving everything to win. As long as you have that in a team, you have hope..."

The Money is There...
Sir Peter Hill-Wood has said that Sir Wenger does have money available for transfers despite rumours to the contrary. Sir Wenger has only bought in Goalish Polekeeper Lucasz Fabianski, Brazilian Croation Edward O'Silva and Frenchman Bacary 'Breezer' Sagna, but PHW has said the money's there for more forages into the wirey undergrowth of the transfer market. PHW said in the Fulham programme: "I don't think we've ever been in a stronger financial position than we are today, all these stories that the manager hasn't got money to buy players are absolutely ridiculous. We've never denied him (Wenger) funds in 11 years and we're not likely to now..."

Hill-Wood is also confident that Sir Wenger will sign a new contract soon: "I don't see any problems with the situation and I think it will be agreed in the not-too-distant future, I'm sure he's happy here and he's building a great young team which is exciting for everyone..."

The Tribal Bible...
Those monkeys at Tribal Football go from strength to er... whatever the opposite of strength is, with a story about Salamanca 'hoping to learn who they can borrow from us', with an outstanding quote from Pedro el Scorchio: "We will take an attacking player, who will be better than the Mexican Carlos Vela..." Ok then.

Owl Prove Them Wrong...
Jug eared flop Francis Jeffers has vowed to prove his knockers wrong in his latest career resurection attempt at Sheffield Wednesday. Since leaving Arsenal Jeffers played for Charlton, Rangers, Blackburn and Ipswich. Jeffers having none of it, and is going to Wednesday with all guns blazing: "It's a chance for me to show people what I am about..." We already know what you're about, you're about 47...

He added: "A lot of people have written me off, but one thing I do when I get regular games is to score goals and I always have done that wherever I've been. Hopefully, I can do it here with a regular run of games on a massive stage. Playing at a great ground like Hillsborough will give me a platform to show people what I can do..."

Transfer Rumours...
As Top Four Tottenham rapidly try to add to their top four squad, it appears not everyone wants to join Martin Jols Champions League contenders (next year). Christain Vieri spurned the North London sleeping dwarves: "I tried to find an ambitious team – and I found one..." unfortunately for Spurs fans, he added: "...in Fiorentina. Tottenham and Manchester City had contacted me, but when I was called by Fiorentina, I quickly said 'yes'..."

Out of their league of course, but The Sunday People reckon that we, as the mid-table also-rans of North London we could be keen on a move for Blackburn Rovers winger Morten Gamst Pedersen, and Sir Wenger will offer £7m, Nicklas Bendtner and Mathieu Flamini for the player... why not lets chuck in Robin Van Persie and Vic Akers for good measure...

Qualifier Warm Up...
Sparta Prague warmed up for our Champions League qualifier on Wednesday night, make sure you subscribe for Setanta of course, the best TV channel for all of your Champions League qualifying needs, with a 0-0 draw away to Viktoria Plzen this weekend. Their previous game saw them run out 1-0 winners against Slovan Liberec, apparently, and we didn't copy that, no way...