An Apology...
Firstly let us us start with a sincere apology for the lack of updates, normally, they are down to us not being arsed, but as you may had noticed, the Shorts was gathering some untold pace in the updating department the week before last, dare I say it even becoming amusing again. Then, a week with nothing and for that we apologise.

The reason behind the bereftity was that Arsene Wenger asked us to go with him to his African holiday resort for some consultation on our new signings, and we can confirm that if they all come off it will be some scoop. Sir Wenger is actually looking at each and every one of the players we are being linked with in all the papers (apart from Luis Saha) and all the rumours are actally true. So our squad could consist of around 139 players next season and the side will be picked using a tombola system and raffle tickets with the only permanent fixture in the side being monkey-faced cockney midfielder Martine Mcutcheon... anyways, here's a recap of the news, and we are back this week with daily updates*

*possibly/probably/definitely maybe though.

Eduardo Well On Track...
Little Eduardo is well on the way to recovery, and almost ready to get back to training soon. The Brazilian Croation said: "I am returning to Europe from Brazil at the beginning of August, perhaps even the end of July. Doctors tell me by then I will be fully recovered and able to play football again. I hope so too. I’m feeling well and my rehabilitation is going better than I would ever have hoped..." Good luck Eduardo, as the Gael Cliche goes, it'll be like a new signing... Cheeky video in Portuguese here...

Nasri - Not Yet...
Samir Nasri won't sign until after the European Championships its been revealed by our very own Arsenal correspondent Arsene Wenger. He reckons money could be an issue, but they are coming to an agreement, but its not happening any time soon. Boo.

Scudamore Tracked...
Ex jockey and FA bigwig Peter Scudamore has been linked with some big job high up in the Emirates Echelons, replacing Gary Lewin, Vic Akers and Keith Edelwice. Full and boring facts here...

Theo Run Out...
Theo Walcott had 20 mins for England as we beat Trinidad and Tobago 3-0 on Sunday. No other Arsenal involvement aside from Gary Lewin putting a plaster over a small graze on a Ray Wilkins leg wound and some magic sponge action for Paul Weller who took an early knock...

You know all this anyway, but we're back up to date, and ready to rock and roll ...

More later...