Amaury to Arsenal?
Sounds slightly more plausible than other transfer rumours out there at the moment, Werder Bremen's ready made Mathieu Flamini replacement Amaury Bischoff. The player himself has admitted: “There remain still some details to be finalised, and then we have to wait especially the return of Arsene Wenger who is in Vienna for the Euro 2008 finals, but I hope to sign in the next few days..." Apparently the midfielder is prone to injury, should fit right in then...

Meanwhile, the Sunday Telegraph claim that we are set to sign Marcus Senna as a replacement for Flamini. It's also thought that French star Samir Nasri will sign for Arsenal in the next two days. It's thought that everything is signed, sealed and will be delivered tomorrow. Again.

We Know It's a Clichy...
Gael Clichy has admitted that he turned down offers from AC Milan, Inter and Juventus to sign a new deal at Arsenal. The loyal left back said: "I was always clear in my mind I wanted to stay at Arsenal.s I am at one of the biggest clubs in Europe. It will be our aim next season to win the Champions League and the English title..."

Ooh, and well done Cesc Fabregas on winning the European Championships...

Will He Stay or Will He Go Now...?
In the most farcial and embarrassing on-off transfer saga of the summer, its still not clear whether Sir Wengers biggest prized asset will move away from the club who discovered him and nurtured him to greatness. Despite a protracted press conference where he declared his love for the club, soon afterwards reporters were thrown into yet more confusion with a few simple, unecessary words off camera. He is now asking for wages similar to his contemporaries, and the board are apparently getting sick of his demands. Its not really fair on clubs like Arsenal who have a talent for making big stars out of relatively small names, as soon as they hit the big time, the big clubs start sniffing around, bandying salaries of epic proportions around which financially sound clubs like ours just cannot match. No one is bigger than the club as they say, and we've recovered from departures bigger than this, and we'll recover again. Brady, Henry, Vieira and others, if they can be replaced, so can you.

PLEASE STAY, THE KITS WON'T WASH THEMSELVES AND NO ONE KNOWS WHERE YOU GET THE SOCK TIES FROM. EITHER HAND OVER THIS VITAL INFO AND DO ONE, OR ANNOUNCE YOU'RE OFF SO WE CAN MAKE ALTERNATIVE ARRANGEMENTS. AS THEY SAY IN AUSTRALIA : "AKERS - SHIT OR GET OFF THE POT."

Don't miss our exclusive with pictures: Arsenal sign Messi. You heard it here first.

Rant over.