Wales U21s 0 - 2 England U21s...
In actual news, Theo Walcott was on the scoresheet as England cruised to a friendly victory in Wrexham. A 'Frank Lampard' (deflection) from Walcott and a spot kick from cuddly, big boned Tom Huddlestone was enough to see Stuart Pearce's side through, in front of England Boss proper Fabio Capello and his mate Grooverider...

Carlos Vela De'rama...
Arsenal.com have confirmed via their £2 a minute premium phone line that we have applied for a work permit to allow Carlos Vela to play for the first team next season. Our Carling cup hopes were given a timely boost as Sir Wenger is giving the youngster a go: "We have applied for a work permit for him now, and he will be involved with the first-team next season. He has played the whole season at Osasuna on the left wing and he had to work hard there, but for me it is not his position he is a central striker, an Eduardo type..."

When T'Mauro Comes/Hi Zarate...
Might as well stop reading now, as the rest is just transfer bollocks, anyways - Sir Wenger is said to be interested in bringing Michael Finigan, he's an Argentinean; Mauro Zarate to the Emirates next season, as rumours of us buying literally every player on the planet quite literally gather pace. Zarate has been on loan at First Division Birmingham this season, and has impressed with four goals and has now been returned to his club, Al Saad Sports Club of Qatar, its thought the player would like to remain in England, meaning we are interested in him automatically. FACT.

First Division's Birmingham City's Manager Alex McLeish said: "He will be a good asset to one of the big clubs. It's just a shame that our situation counted against us..." First Division's Martin Taylor™ was unavailable for comment as he wasn't visiting Eduardo in Brazil...

Another Snippet, Another Link...
AC Milan 'star' Yoann Gourcuff wants to go out on loan next season, with us as an obvious choice to link him with, of course. The French (French? Must be Arsenal material then...) said: "My father came to Milan and we discussed with the leaders, I do not want to endure a second season like this one. I want to play. I am leaning towards a loan option. It is necessary that I find playing time with a good club..." Good club? That puts Spurs out of the frame, it MUST be us then...

Saints to Buy Arsenal...?
90's pop sensations All Saints are said to be lining up an audacious takeover of the club as their share buying explosion gathers pace. Melanie Blatt, the Appleshaw sisters and the other one have been buying shares in Arsenal under the guise of Red and White holdings and are all set to launch a hostile takeover in the coming weeks. Along with a string of number one hits and a line of trendy clothes shops, the band are all set to move into the world of football with the bid 'in the next few days' its claimed. It's thought this could be the reason behind Vic Akers rumoured imminent departure as he has had many a booty call from Blatt. Physio and other Mr. Lover Man Gary Lewin has done it with Pepsi off Pepsi and Shirley as well I reckon...

Pele to Arsenal Sensation...
Ha ha, you didn't actually think the 75 year old impotent Braz--- no, you didn't - ok then, Le Mans goalkeeper Yoann Pele could be set to join on of the big 20 in the next few days according to someone who would in no way benefit from leaking the fact, his agent, Duro Ivanisevic accidentally let slip that: "There is a very attractive offer from an English club. I can't say who it is now, no, but you'll know in a week ..." Once again, it HAS to be us...

More later... Zzzzz........